These two kids have no idea.  Seriously.  They have no clue what is before them.  They love each other.  They have promised to stay together until death do they part…no matter what.  But they don’t know.  They have no idea what is going to come their way in the next 17 years.  Big highs.  And low lows.  Exhilarating moments.  Moments of despair.  And a large number of days which will feel mundane.  But they will do it together.  And at least from the perspective of this now much older guy…he can’t imagine anyone else he would have rather spent the past 17 years with.  There is no one else on the face of the earth who could have possible stayed with this dude with as much grace, patience, laughter, and love as the woman he promised to be with 17 years ago today.  I love this woman.  She is more beautiful to me today than the day I stood before God, my friends, and my family and said, “I do.”  Happy anniversary Kelly (if you ignore my blog for another week as is normal…I hope we had a great anniversary ).

I was sent the following by a dude who will remain anonymous (for his protection).  But there seems to be some ancient secrets to understanding women revealed.  You’re welcome.

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).
(8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying DROP DEAD!
(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

Last week I blogged about the principle of HOMEOSTASIS which is the property of any organization (institution, relationship, organism, etc.) to long for stability, balance, sameness, status quo, etc.  The irony in regards to church is that NO church does anything great for the Kingdom of God in a state of homeostasis.  So leaders need to be very discerning in when to live in homeostasis, and when to break out and disrupt the status quo to do something great for God.

Having said that, it is important to remember that according to system theorists, a disruption of homeostasis affects every part of the system.  Think of it like a mobile.  If you pull on one end, every part of the mobile is affected, especially the opposite side. 

In the disruption of homeostasis you can always expect a push-back or “pull down” to occur on the other end of the system.  The opposite end is attempting to exert its efforts to bring back homeostasis.  The problem:  it never does.  It overcompensates and overreacts sending the mobile flying to the other extreme.  And there it is…a mobile going back and forth, back and forth.  This is the dynamic at work in churches and results in conflict.  Something happens that disrupts homeostasis (this could be anything from painting the nursery  to the untimely death of a leader).  The mobile (church) goes flying to one extent.  To compensate, another force in the church (e.g., the senior saints, the women’s prayer group, the staff) pulls in the opposite direction trying to balance the mobile (church).  But it doesn’t get balanced.  It goes flying the other way.  Everyone is thrown off in regards to equilibrium, people are confused, they are anxious, they are worried, they are afraid.  And when people get anxious and afraid…they do stupid things.  Good godly people, when anxious and afraid, do bad things. 

In this moment what the entire system (church) needs is a leader who is a non-anxious presence.  Who stands at the crux of the mobile and without overreacting (which is very easy to do as a leader…especially one who is afraid and nervous) to speak truth (which includes acknowledging disrupted homeostasis), vision, and clarity of purpose.  It is a difficult task, but to make it through the disrupted homeostasis, YOU NEED TO HAVE the non-anxious presence of good leaders.

I want to give a shout out to the elders at LSC.  By personality they are pretty stoic anyhow.  But I’ve never seen a better non-anxious presence in the midst of disrupted homeostasis.  I can think back on our history when MAJOR DISRUPTIONS of homeostasis occurred.  Times when I was full of anxiety, fear, and concern.  They remained constant.  They spoke truth (“Did God call us to this or not?”).  They were a non-anxious presence in the midst of the storm.  And because of it, the storm came to an end. 

If a leader acts stressed, those who are following will feel stressed (even if in reality they aren’t under stress).  If a leader acts anxious and scared, those who are following will feel anxious and scared (at best).  If a leader is angry…he/she gets cut out of the Promise Land (or at least that is what happened to Moses).

So, may your homeostasis be disrupted for great Kingdom work.  But when it is, may the Spirit empower you with eyes to see what God is doing, and faith to be totally confident in Him, to the extent that it allows you to be a non-anxious presence.

On Saturday, January 17th, the Living Stones Church hosted a dessert/conversation called “Taste of Peace.”  It is put on by the Human Rights Commission here in South Bend and has as its purpose conversation and understanding among different ethnic groups.  Those who came were assigned a table.  The tables were intentionally diverse. 

At my table (table #6!) there were two African-American women, one Hispanic, three white women, and two white dudes (that would include me ).  There was a diversity of age among us (I was the youngest ).  And while I’m uncertain as to religions, there was at least one Muslim at our table.

And…it was awesome.  We had a list of four questions we answered around the table that dealt with stereotypes, perceptions, prejudices, and assumptions that we all had in regards to race.  I left really appreciating the stories and experiences of others and was struck by how different our backgrounds were.

The Human Rights Commission is now putting together “Study Circles” that have the same goal – conversations to understand tensions and understandings between races.  The groups consists of at least eight people.  And that eight has to be diverse (not helpful if eight white guys are staring at each other).  While there are several different groups meeting across our community, one will also meet at Living Stones Church.  It will be on Tuesday evenings. 

If this sort of thing sounds interesting to you and you would be interested in a six week Study Group, send me an e-mail here and let me know you would be interested.

I think you find the conversations very exciting and eye-opening and you will leave with a larger heart and appreciation for the world around us!

If the guy you are dating is the primary suspect in the disappearance and death of his previous two wives…don’t marry him!!!

In short, stay away from Drew Peterson.

If you are insistent on marrying him, don’t come and ask me to officiate the wedding.

Just looking out for you!

Your Pastor & Brother,

Sam

PS.  Drew Peterson’s defense… “I’m entitled to be happy.”  Ummm…actually…when you murder two of your wives…you forfeit your “right” to happiness (and freedom)!

This is an actual message on the answering machine of one of our single mothers who comes to the Living Stones Church (not a joke…this is real).

“Hi, this is [protecting name].  Recently I’ve made some changes in my life.  If you are one of those changes, you will not be getting a call back.”

That is phenomenal!!  Yes!!!  I’m beaming with pride.

To my Single Christian Sisters of the Living Stones Church,

When the guy you have been dating for awhile won’t clarify his intentions for your relationship and keeps telling you as he breaks up/gets back together again (repeat pattern ad nauseum) with you he “just isn’t sure what he wants“…

What he means is, “I’m sure I don’t want you but I’m not man enough to be honest with you and too selfish to do what’s best for you and I’d rather keep you as a reserve option just in case who I do want (real or imagined) doesn’t work out.”

My sisters…get rid of that dude now!  You are worth more and deserve more than that!

Your Brother and Pastor,

Sam