“I’m Pastorman”

Most Pastors I know (including myself) want to believe that by way of identity they are leading a community of faith to change the world through the expansion of the Kingdom of God.  Sounds exciting doesn’t it?  It is (or at least it can be)!  It’s the stuff of superheroes – battling spiritual principalities, rescuing those who have been taken captive to sin and suffering, standing up for truth (and grace)!!!  I practically walk around with a music/movie soundtrack playing in the back of my head – you know…those anthemic intense superhero ones.  ”I’m Pastor-Man!!!” *looks out the window to see if I can see my Pastor-man signal in the sky*

What most pastors don’t want to be is a chaplain to society.  That is a totally different identity.  It doesn’t have anthemic intense superhero music set in the background.  It is more like musak in an elevator.  Boring.  Ignored.  Seemingly unnecessary.  And at times – obnoxious (really…you’re going to set “Everybody Rules the World” by Tears for Fear to Musak!!!!?)

Did you know that cruise ships have a chaplain?  They do.  And they get to enjoy a week-long cruise for free as long as they hold an interdenominational service on Sunday morning and are available should they be needed (guess how many people attend this service on a cruise ship).  Do you know when chaplains on cruise ships are needed?  Never.  I’m going to suggest that every employee on a cruise ship, and I don’t care if you are the lowest rung of the maintenance crew, the kitchen staff, or the housekeeping – is more important than a chaplain on a cruise ship.  You may be tempted to think to yourself, yea, but what if the ship is sinking…I bet you would want a chaplain then.  The answer:  NOPE.  No one in the midst of a sinking ship thinks to themselves, “I wish I had a chaplain.”  What they want is a life boat or someone skilled enough to plug that hole in the side of the ship.  The only time a chaplain comes in handy is at the very end, when all hope is lost, we know we are about to drown…we’ve totally given up…now – someone find a chaplain to say something or pray something because we are about to meet God.

Pastors, if they aren’t careful, can very quickly be relegated by society to chaplaincy.  It happens all the time.  The obligatory prayer before the city council meetings, the invocation at the start of the Little League game, a blessing at some civic dedication ceremony (which by the way…these aren’t bad things…and I’ve done some of them), but ultimately it is a very different function than “Pastor-Man” (I just puffed my chest out as I said that…I’m not sure even when puffed it extends past my belly…dang it!) a leader of God’s people called to change the world.

[More on this later]

The Great Living Stones Debate of 2012

After separating the two deacons who had come to fisticuffs in the lobby, I asked what in the world they were fighting about.  They were both on different sides of the Great Living Stones Debate of 2012…fake-gold-plated offerings trays OR…chicken buckets.  After five deacon meetings, three elder meetings, two congregational meetings, and a phone call to our church’s attorney about proper procedures from our by-laws…we’ve finally settled the Great LSC Debate of 2012 [all of the above is fictitious...like we have an attorney..pfft!...although what is sad is I can totally see this happening in a lot of churches I know].  What is true is that we switched offering trays.

Good-bye fake-gold-plated trays.  HELLO Martin’s Supermarket Chicken Buckets!!

Martin’s Fried Chicken Buckets

Why Martin’s Supermarket Chicken Buckets?  Because Martin’s has the best fried chicken.

I would not call us a “redneck church.”  But we are a “Fried Chicken Church” and those fake-gold-plated trays are about the most highfalutin thing we have and it didn’t match.  So, we’ve pulled out the chicken buckets.  And I’m going to bet if you did some analysis you’d find that our tithes and offerings have actually INCREASED since we made this move.  And do you know why?  Who doesn’t have an impulse to give more to God when the receptacle used to collect such an offering is a fried chicken bucket?  I rest my case.

I am now going to write a book for mega-churches on how they can make more money…based on my chicken bucket fact theory.

A fancy-schmancy offering tray

Not How it Used to Be

It seems like every week I have to sign a form from a Probation Officer to verify that someone’s who is serving an “in-house arrest” sentence can attend worship at the Living Stones Church.  I sign my name and write in the time that they arrive and when they leave.

When we were the Donmoyer Avenue Church of Christ I NEVER once signed such a form.

I like it better now.

Writing a Reference Letter

A 14 year old girl at the Living Stones Church needs me to write her a pastoral reference letter.  Attached to the reference form was this letter of explanation.  In it she writes the following:

“It’s off-topic, but I feel I should tell you that out of all the pastors and church-leaders I have met, I like you the best honestly, you always make me laugh, and the way you go off on tangents mid-sentence is endearing.”

This is how you schmooze the Pastor.  This is going to be the BEST reference letter I’ve ever written.

Serving in a Bar

This week our Communitas (Living Stones Church small groups) training is on the spiritual competency of SERVICE.  So, our group met at a small non-profit ministry in Mishawaka (it was at least the South Side of Mishawaka ) to help clean and spruce up their property.  Jeff Gritton, who I think may just be the best small group leader I’ve ever seen (and one of the church’s elders), was leading the charge!  At one point, while the rest of the group was working, I look up and see Jeff Gritton coming out of the bar across the street.  I’m curious what spiritual competency HE was working on!!

Jeff Gritton attempting to walk a straight line as he leaves a bar

Someone Dying of Cancer is Listening to Your Sermon

Martin Luther once said that when he preaches he doesn’t aim for understanding among the doctors and magistrates in his church but rather he sinks himself down deep and aims his message for the poor, the servant, and the children.  I like the idea of having an intentional aim when it comes to the delivery of the message.  One of the aims for me is to be aware that at the Living Stones Church on any given Sunday I have a handful of people who are battling cancer.  Knowing this, I believe, helps me in regards to preparing and delivering the message:

1.  Time is precious and it ought not be wasted on a stupid sermon.  For someone with cancer, time has become a precious commodity (not that it isn’t for all of us…but they are now acutely aware of this reality) and they don’t have the luxury of wasting this precious commodity on a sermon that is ridiculous (and there are a lot of ridiculous sermons).

2.  Hearing good news is more important now than ever.  The name of Jesus is greater than any other name.  Even the name “cancer.”  Jesus is good news.  Now, in their present affliction, and in their future glory.  They need to hear, somehow, that cancer doesn’t get the last word – Jesus gets the last word.

3.  Humor is good, being trite is not.  After dealing with IV’s, medical charts, blood tests, scans, x-rays, being poked and prodded – the chance to laugh is welcomed.  What is not welcomed is a long oration about Paul’s shifting eschatological expectations as revealed in his epistles to the church in Thessalonica.  To someone with cancer – this is trite.  So are long-winded messages on what we are against, why we are the only ones that are right, and that sermon that uses “PNEUMATOLOGY” as an acrostic.

4.  God’s sovereignty and his goodness are still true.  If I have cancer I’m struggling with all sorts of questions.  Why is this happening to me?  Will I overcome this?  Etc.  These questions naturally lead to an overwhelming feeling of being out of control.  Thus, I need to know that God is control and that he is sovereign even in this situation.  I want to know that I’m not at the whim of cancer.  But I also want to know that God is good because after puking for the majority of the week I have doubts and I need to be encouraged again.

If I were teaching a class to preaching students, I would have in the instruction – “Remember, when you get up in the pulpit to preach, you are preaching to someone who is dying of cancer.  Let that shape your message and delivery.”

Jeff & Kevin the Zombie Living Stones Church Welcome

From Sunday’s welcome in our Walking Dead series…