Conducting Oneself in the Waiting Game

Posted: July 8, 2009 in Discipleship, Uncategorized

It took ten days, but we finally got the results to Kelly’s tests (they were in after a week, but because of the holiday she had to wait until Monday to find out).  She had seven “suspicious” freckles/moles removed and tested.  And so we waited.

Waiting in a grocery line, in traffic, for the internet to pick up speed is one thing…but waiting for a pathology report is excruciating.  Given my history of “suspicious” thoughts in the arena of cancer I don’t handle it in the most sane of ways.  I prepare myself for the absolute worst with all of its accompanying images and thoughts (very tragic, very sad, very miserable) and then if we get “better” news I’m relieved.  Not sure why I do this.  It seems a weird (and not particularly healthy) defensive mechanism for my life.  I would like a better ways of handling these things.

I notice a lot about myself in these times.  I only have two modes in anxiety…deep distraction or paralysis.

I find things to distract me.  Work is a big one.  T.V. seems to be my second favorite option.  And it seems crazy what I will watch for distraction.  I watched hours of Dog the Bounty Hunter, Clean House, and Operation Repo over the past week (especially during the holiday weekend…should I be embarrassed to confess this?).  Take these things from me and I want to lay on the couch paralyzed in the fear of what might be coming next.  I stop exercising; I don’t give two flips about eating right (and I didn’t); my normal routine goes out the window (which really throws my OCD brain off); and things that are are still important and urgent are replaced with what I feel like doing (or not doing) at the moment.  I don’t blog (which could be a result of other factors too…don’t automatically assume if I don’t blog for awhile that I’m in some worry/crisis mode 🙂 ).  I become more of a recluse (which is opposite my personality).

For many people, this is the time when their prayer life picks up.  Not me.  I grow more quiet, brief, and to the point with God.

Everyone handles stress, anxiety, and worry differently.  And we all worry about something different.  I believe when it comes to coping with anxiety – some ways are healthier and more faithful than others.  I’m not there yet.  Given the state of economy, family, jobs, world, etc. there seems to be a lot of anxiety.  People are anxious.

Jesus talks VERY SPECIFICALLY about this topic.  We’ll talk about it together as a church in a message series in September.

Oh…Kelly’s results:  six of the seven freckles/moles were normal.  One was “abnormal.”  It isn’t cancer.  It is “pre-cancer” (there is a more technical term for it…I don’t remember what it is…and I don’t look that stuff up on the internet 🙂 ).  Meaning (as I understand it), it isn’t cancer now, but if we did nothing, there is a good chance it would turn into cancer.  So…glad we did something now.  She’ll have to keep checking in with the dermatologist on a routine basis.

I guess it is the price you pay being a uber-hot tan beauty 🙂  (disclaimer:  I am not condoning risking ones dermatological health for beauty)

What is your default coping mechanism for handling stress, anxiety, and worry?

  1. The other Ed says:

    First and foremost, Sam, thank God for the good results. We are so happy to hear it. Secondly, as far as coping mechanisms go, prayer does help out, but sometimes I just HAVE to figure out the situation I am in. i.e.–where I am and where I am going to go and what to do. And, if it is really bad, I get really sleepy!!

    Bacon helps, too

  2. Dana says:

    I can understand your response to the fear and anxiety..having experienced the dreaded C once it tends to be in your thoughts for any ailment that might come up…not a good response, but understandable. Thank the Lord for Kelly”s results..I am a 15 year melanoma survivor…and I have paid the price for “tanning” in my early years…Kelly – wear your sunscreen…and be proud of your white skin…you wouldn’t believe the stupid remarks people say to me when they know my history…”I would die if I couldn’t get a tan”…ignorant..ignorant..ignorant!!! If you want some good resources come talk to me..I wear clothing from a good company that allows me to be in the sun without fear.

  3. Stacie Kensinger says:

    My dad passed away from Melanoma in 2001. The doctor dug out his planters wort 5 times before sending it for a biopsy. It was too late, and this should have never happened. He even went to John Wayne Cancer Hospital in Cali. My mom worked for a wonderful Dr. at that time who recommended that she not attempt a law suit (of which we do not condone) and that she focus on helping others. So now, she helps at the skin screen clinic @ Memorial. God was watching over you, I am so happy for all of you 🙂

  4. kristi says:

    I am so happy to hear that she is okay….as far as coping mechanisms…hmm where do you want me to start? I make all child care arrangements first, then work arrangements, clean the house from top to bottom, mow the yard, go to the grocery store, sit and cry…etc… get the point. My feeling is that if God wants me He will take me…until then I pray!

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