He’s Not Right in the Head

Posted: June 1, 2010 in Uncategorized

If you’ve known me for any length of time, you know I struggle with OCD.  For me, it is a cognitive (more than a behavioral) manifestation that can get stuck on the thought that I’m dying (and always of cancer).  I’ve had cancers I don’t think guys can even get.  It is better now than it was…say from 1998-2003, but I still struggle.

Two weeks ago I had some serious pain along my rib cage and into my back.  I was writhing in pain.  Reminded me of a kidney stone I had years ago…only the pain was higher.  It lasted about 4 hours.  While the intensity has never been like it was that Tuesday evening, I didn’t feel good (or “right”) for another week.  My grandmother, who prides herself on diagnosing every disease thought gall stones.  She told me so on Sunday (this is when my brain gets fixated on my gall bladder).

I broke a cardinal rule and looked up on the internet symptoms for gall stones (when you have OCD like me, you don’t look up symptoms).  If you give me a symptom, I’ll think I have it within the hour.  Seriously.  You tell me “purple tongue” as a symptom and I’ll look in the mirror and it will look to me like my tongue is as purple as purple gets!  Anyhow…when I read about gall stones…it described very accurately what I had.  So I went to the doctor (did you know my doctor moved his office well over a year ago?  Yea…I didn’t either…glad I found out before I went).

He wanted to do an ultrasound to see if it was gall stones (which he suspected too).  Now, for my twisted brain, “gall stones” is really cancer they just haven’t diagnosed it yet.  So, I go to the ultrasound on Friday morning.  While I’m getting the ultrasound I have to keep my eyes closed because I can’t see two things:  1) the monitor…which in my mind will show nothing but “suspicious masses” and 2) the technician’s face…if she looks worried at all…I’m a goner!

So, then I wait.  I wait for the doctor’s office to call and tell me that the pain I’ve been experiencing for one week and three days is really cancer.

So, Friday afternoon (I was impressed with the speed) Amanda from the doctor’s office calls and informs me that the test results came back and…everything looks normal and great.

And do you know what happened next?  I haven’t had a single pain in my side (you know…the pain that I had for one week and three days) as soon as she said the ultrasound looked good.

And that, my friends, is why I’m not right in the head.  I can psychosomatically create pain in my body.  I’m like a wizard or something!! 🙂

Oh…I’m a wizard with high blood pressure.  I did find that out.  Not surprised.  Me and Oprah Winfrey have some things in common  (I don’t know if she has high blood pressure…I’m more referring to the fluctuation in weight).  So…looks like my cheese fries intake is about to take a massive hit.  I did give up caffeine immediately!  Can you say…MASSIVE HEADACHE?

  1. david says:

    Sam I Am:
    Although I don’t suffer from OCD, I am on medication for panic attacks. I’ve passed out a number of times and, as a result, when I am in certain situations, my heart starts racing and I think I’m going to pass out. Totally irrational. It seems to help if I pinch myself really hard continuously in such situations. (The pain keeps me in the moment, but it can leave serious marks.)
    I totally understand and empathize with your irrational behavior. It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it. I’ve wanted to see a counselor to help me work through the problem and get off the medication, but I keep putting that off.
    I guess we can’t blame our parents somehow for these psychoses!

  2. sister says:

    I like to say you have CDO because then the letters are in order like they should be. Really….I enjoy having a crazy person in the family. Everyone needs a crazy.

  3. the other ed says:

    maybe I am just fanning the flames, but you’ve taken a pregnancy test, right?

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