The Great Living Stones Debate of 2012

Posted: May 8, 2012 in Living Stones Church

After separating the two deacons who had come to fisticuffs in the lobby, I asked what in the world they were fighting about.  They were both on different sides of the Great Living Stones Debate of 2012…fake-gold-plated offerings trays OR…chicken buckets.  After five deacon meetings, three elder meetings, two congregational meetings, and a phone call to our church’s attorney about proper procedures from our by-laws…we’ve finally settled the Great LSC Debate of 2012 [all of the above is fictitious…like we have an attorney..pfft!…although what is sad is I can totally see this happening in a lot of churches I know].  What is true is that we switched offering trays.

Good-bye fake-gold-plated trays.  HELLO Martin’s Supermarket Chicken Buckets!!

Martin’s Fried Chicken Buckets

Why Martin’s Supermarket Chicken Buckets?  Because Martin’s has the best fried chicken.

I would not call us a “redneck church.”  But we are a “Fried Chicken Church” and those fake-gold-plated trays are about the most highfalutin thing we have and it didn’t match.  So, we’ve pulled out the chicken buckets.  And I’m going to bet if you did some analysis you’d find that our tithes and offerings have actually INCREASED since we made this move.  And do you know why?  Who doesn’t have an impulse to give more to God when the receptacle used to collect such an offering is a fried chicken bucket?  I rest my case.

I am now going to write a book for mega-churches on how they can make more money…based on my chicken bucket fact theory.

A fancy-schmancy offering tray

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Comments
  1. Advertising for Martin’s? Have you considered sponsorship reqiest for RECESS for advertising Martin’s Chicken

  2. The Bishop says:

    Helen’s getting her Donald Trump on. Great outside-the-chicken-bucket thinking.

  3. Melissa says:

    If I don’t love Martin’s fried chicken, do I have to find a new church?

  4. No!!! You need to stay and give us a chance to cast out the demon that has clearly inhabited your taste buds!!!

  5. the other ed says:

    “I don’t love Martin’s fried chicken”

    Sam, didn’t you study law? Are those six words allowed to be in the same sentence in that order?

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